Quinquinevere

A couple were having a massive row in a pizza restaurant. The whole restaurant became quiet as they raised their voices louder and louder. The argument had started off about which giant pizza they'd choose to share. He wanted pepperoni and capers; she wanted Haiwaiian. She started off accusing him of never listening to what she wanted and she hated capers. It was nonsense to suggest that a perfectly good pizza could be ruined by pineapple. Besides, if he ever took the trouble to shop or cook, they wouldn't have to go out so often to eat at a pizza restaurant. Anyway, she didn't want to eat pizza regularly because she always preferredt o eat more healthily. And all this pizza was giving her a weight problem. Was it really too much to ask that she be allowed to choose the pizza type just this once? After the last sentence, there was silence. The whole restaurant listened in to see what the man's response would be. He took his time. He sipped hi winde, looked at the floor, at the menu, then, finally, back at his wife. "This isn't about the pizza, is it?" he said at last. "This is about the last 15 years."

This is often a clear signal that a communication problem exists between two people. Instead of addressing that problem , however, it's usually far easier to pick on little trivial things and bait each other with those instead. This is particularly a tendency many women have. Many little girls are still brought up believing that they should be nice and sweet, and put their own needs and feelings last. They grow up into women who believe it's their role to keep the peace, to smooth over problems, to be liked and loved. Many women find it extremely difficult to just come out and say, "I'm not happy living ike this. I feel stifled. I want to take a break from everything for two weeks to go off by myself and have some time out. How would you feel if i dropped the kids at my mother's for one week, you took the other week off from work to look after them, and i had some time to myself? I think i'd come back much happier, and be a much nicer person to live with." That's much harder to say and do than publicly picking on his pizza preference.

Women often expect men to intuitively pick up on what they're thinking, without actually saying it. They assume that if they yawn and say, "I'm so tired, I think I'll go to bed now" and wander off, men will brush their teeth, gargle with breath freshener, put on some deodorant and slip into something more comfortable to join them there for a session of making love. Instead, many men grunt, go back to the fridge for another beer and settle down on the sofa to watch sport on the TV. It's never occurred to them that the woman intheir life is talking in indirect code. The woman, sitting alone in bed, eventually falls to sleep alone, feeling unloved and unwanted.

Constant argument merely masks a deeper communication problem. When women learn to say directly what they mean, men respond more readily. Women need to understand that male brain function is comparatively simple and men can rarely guess what their wives and partners really mean beyond the actual words they've uttered. Once both sexes have realised this, it makes communication much simpler, and removes the need for much of the nagging and argument that takes place.

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